Pregnancy is WEIRD

This may be my third ride on the pregnancy train, but that doesn't mean I'm used to the weird crap that happens to your body. Some might call it a "miracle", but those people probably - A.) have never been pregnant, B.) have a penis.  Now don't get me wrong, I am one of those odd ducks who enjoys being pregnant (I use the term "enjoy" loosely here), but I'm just being honest when I say that I'm a walking freak show these days.  Here's my top ten list of FREAKY WEIRD THINGS (so far) about the Little Nugget's incubation.

1. BOOBS - They are huge and they hurt. I won't go into too much detail about what they look like at this point, but they are angry and scary.

(No picture for this one...btw, never Google "scary boobs".)

2. BELLY - I'm only 11 weeks, but it already feels like I'm laying on a grapefruit if I attempt to sleep on my stomach. (I'm a stomach sleeper and I've totally forgotten how having to re-learn a comfortable sleeping position sucks.) The belly on the third baby also pokes out there MUCH sooner than with the other two.

Great for breakfast, but not for sleeping on.

3. BATHROOM - I'm a few weeks away from a reprieve, but I go to the bathroom at least every twenty minutes. At night, at least two or three times, and it's REALLY hard not to wake up Donnie...especially when  his ass leaves the toilet seat up and I end up hip-deep in toilet water at 3am. Lovely.

4. BOOZE - I can't drink. That's weird. Cooking a meal isn't as fun now that I can't drink a glass of wine. However, my dinners have been turning out GREAT. Wonder if there's a correlation?

5. SKIN - My prego-glow is enhanced with an abundant secretion of oil, which also results in huge zits.

WORD.

6. SLEEP - I sleep like the dead...of course, except when I have to pee. I wake right up for that. I could go to bed at 8pm every night, but I try not to leave Donnie in charge of the girls every evening. (They tend to go to sleep in what they had on that day, and I'm pretty sure they fool their Daddy when it comes teeth-brushing time. I've caught Mak turning on the water and "pretending" like she's brushing. Little turd.) Veteran parents know that the putting-to-bed song and dance sucks. Most nights I force myself to stay up and help out.  I could solve this problem and make the girls go to bed at a decent hour, but that defeats the whole purpose of having the summer off (and mother who will sleep-in with you).

I put this picture, because an actual pic of me sleeping might scare you.

7. NOSE - My nose is pregnant, too. Did you know that could happen? Well, my nose grows bigger each month, and by the time I reach month 9, it's crowning. Good times.  I also snore like a lumberjack when I'm pregnant. Donnie loves this part of pregnancy. He can kick the shit out of me (re-read #6) and I still don't wake up....unless I need to pee.

This is a picture of a squid, however it is as close as I can get to an accurate image of my ginormous nose.

8. BUTT - I must have more in common with gorillas than I'd like to admit because I develop a "gorilla butt" with each pregnancy. It's not that my prego but is super-fat, but something about (most) pregnant butts pays homage to our brothers on the evolution chart. The butt develops this weird, shelf-like appendage, that's more than a "bubble butt". I guess if we had to resort back to cave man days, we would have a nice platform to sling our young onto and run through the jungle.

This is what I have to look forward to...

9. SWEAT - I'm always HOT and seem to perspire while sitting under the a/c that's on full blast. I'm like a walking oven, and even though the internal temp at 11 weeks is nothing compared to what it will be in month 8, I'm still putting deodorant on like it's going out of style.

Pit Stains are not cute.

10. FOOD - I'm nauseous with this baby, and I'm not complaining...much. At least I haven't been puking my guts up like some people have to endure, but it really annoys me that I can only eat starchy foods. Vegetables (which I typically LOVE) make me literally want to gag. I hope this trend ends soon, or the picture under #8 won't be that far-fetched. My weirdest craving to date:

Gross pre-pregnancy, but now a gourmet treat.